Frustration (Latin: Frustrari)
The emotional state of someone when hampered from his or her expectations, needs or goal. The cause can be influenced from the outside, for example supremacy, and can be expressed by certain characteristics of the person concerning the situation, like agression or apathy. Antonyms of frustration are satisfaction or gratification.
Every now and then, we all get frustrated.
I decided to write this blog after feeling very frustrated and angry myself today.
The situation: I have been a Blackberry user and fan for the last half a year now. It all went well untill yesterday when suddenly the A button (and also the keyboard lock) stopped working entirely. So today I went back to the store I bought it from, explained the situation and waited for their solution.
After all, I still have a legal warrenty.
The verdict was harsh, my beloved blackberry would be send to England where it would be checked on water damage or damage due to dropping the device.
I already told them none of that was the case but ofcourse that wasn't proof enough.
If the handyman who should fix my BB thinks I did this on purpose, it will not be fixed within my warranty. Excuse me?!
The option I have left was to buy a new keyboard on Ebay and replace it myself. But since I am not such a handywoman and since it would also mean that my warranty is gone completely, that was not the best idea.
So now my phone is somewhere on the road to England and all I have left is my sim-card and a form saying what happened. Not to forget, this will probably take 4 entire weeks. According to the store I am not entitled to a phone for the meantime since this is probably my own fault (IT ISN'T!)
So I'm sitting here with my old Nokia phone that now contains the sim-card, I am still paying my regular bill for the month but will not be able to use the internet since the current Nokia phone does not have the e-mail or internet option.
I probably sound like a spoiled brad but this drives me insane.
This makes me wonder:
What are the most common causes of frustration? And how should we deal with it?
According to newspaper 'De Pers' in The Netherlands, the most important cause of frustration are consumer cases.
In 2009 more than 14.000 complaints where filed, that is over a thousand more than the year before. The most common complaints seem to concern warranties and conformity.
At number two are the telecom companies especially focussing on text subscriptions and on the third place are the health insurances.
Seems that my current frustration involves both number one and two.
But think about it, not only large issues can make you go mad as hell.
Tickets being sold out, dog poo on your shoe, your favorite heels breaking, bad weather, lack of money, the ink cartridge or your printer being empty right before a deadline, a haircut gone wrong, traffic jams, commercial breaks, wrappers or packages that just won't open, loud ringtones, long waithing lines, bad grammar and on and on and on.
Now tell me, what are your main reasons to get frustrated or irritated?Whenever I'm frustrated, I try to talk to my family. They mostly have usefull things to say and will try to give me advice that calms me down, but doesn't always work.
How should we handle frustration?
Ask yourself(and answer honestly) what is going right or positive in this situation?
You found something? Even it only is a tiny fact?
Good, then you are already thinking about something else than only negative.
That's where we are headed.
Me: the positive thing is that the Blackberry will probably be fixed.
If frustration is a common feeling to you,
make lists of accomplishments.
Decide for yourself if it shall be weekly or monthly and just write down all the things you have accomplished. Things that did work out.
Whenever you feel bad, look at the list and realise you are not a failure.
Me: I bought a great cooking book, I helped my dad with the new TV, I found another phone I can still use, I'm trying to calm myself down, I'm writing a blog about it.
Focus on what you want to happen.Go back to the big picture. What is your desired outcome? Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in one problem and trying to solve it that we forget what we were originally trying to accomplish. Try not to ask yourself: Why did this happen?
The important thing is knowing the answer to the following two questions:
What do I want to happen differently this time?
What do I need to do in order to get there?
Me: I want my beloved Blackberry to be home soon with a fixed A-button. If this will really be the case, is out of my hands for the moment.
Think of multiple solutions.You always have options. You just need to brainstorm and figure them out. Tell yourself you need to come up with 8 possible options to what you’re dealing with. Just knowing that you have lots of options will help to make you feel better. You won’t feel like you are trapped in one negative situation. From your list, figure out the best direction and go for it.
Me: Stay up to date about the current status of the repair of my phone, pick it up as soon as I get a message.
Take action!When you get into serious frustration with a problem, you tend not to want to work on it anymore. It’s hard, it’s frustrating, and you’re not getting anywhere. So, anything to avoid having to be in that situation may be far more attractive. Procrastination may start to set in. If you can keep taking steps forwards, you will probably make it past this temporary hump. As Thomas Edison said, “Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up” and “Surprises and reverses can serve as an incentive for great accomplishment.”
Try not to worry but instead use the energy on ideas.
Focus on a positive outcome.If you only think about all the bad things that can happen, you will keep feeling miserable. Try to think of outcomes that are positive, it will make you feel more relaxed.
Me: At least they are sending it somewhere to repaired, the worst thing that can happen is for me to miss the blackberry for a couple of weeks before I can use it again. I will survive
I would love to hear about the things that bug you and how you (try to) deal with them.
Love,
Noes
